Kids are Boring

A blogger whose posts I often enjoy sometimes talks about how she likes kids but does not want any of her own. I can understand why she might feel that way but it's not how I feel. I flat out dislike children. I've always disliked children. When I was a kid I never wanted to be around my peers. I found them messy, loud, and dull -- the same way I find them as an adult.

When most people hear about my dislike of kids they act like I'm some kind of monster. I didn't say I beat children (although plenty of people who have kids do that). I didn't say I am mean to children (although I see parents being mean to their kids all the time). I didn't say I want to wipe kids off the face of the earth. All I mean to say is that I don't enjoy the company of children and prefer not to be around them.

Although I find kids messy and loud, an even bigger grievance I have is that kids are boring. Kids are rarely interested in anything I find interesting. Kids don't usually have thoughts on health care reform. Kids don't have suggestions on the best bars in town. Kids don't have thoughts on which travel websites have the most reliable reviews. I don't have anything to say to a kid. I don't watch Nickelodeon. I don't play video games. I don't totally hate my History teacher or have a crush on my lab partner.

I have a teenage brother, he's 17 years younger than I am. Every time I get trapped in conversation with him it's like time stands still and 30 seconds seems to stretch on for 5 hours. He yammers endlessly about bands I've never heard of and guitar chords that are "soo hard to play." A few years ago he'd talk incessantly about hockey and video games but since he's discovered "emo" he's only interested in how awesome the Warped Tour is going to be this year.

Kids seem unable to grasp that whatever they're so excited about may not be of interest to other people. My brother will go on and on about his music, not even noticing I am half asleep and haven't said anything other than "uh huh" for like 20 minutes. I'd believe I have an exceptionally dull brother if it wasn't for the fact that my husband's younger relatives are also similarly and excruciatingly boring.

I can't imagine having a child of my own and trying to make conversation with it. At least my husband and I can go home and get away from the children in our families. Their parents are stuck listening to the merits of Fall Out Boy versus Evanesence all day, every day. To that I say, no thank you.