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When you make the decision to have kids, you have a few childcare options and all of them pretty much suck.
Option 1: You stay at home with your baby
Awesome, my husband gets to spend all day having stimulating conversations with adults while I'm up to my elbows in dirty diapers. My only mental stimulation is Blues Clues. I spend my day talking in a high pitched baby talk trying to coax first words out of my infant or worse yet having inane conversations with my toddler about why she can't eat cookies for breakfast. My husband comes home dressed in clean clothing with stories from the outside world and I regale him with stories of the shape and color of our offspring's bowel movements.
My professional options and earning potential dwindle as years pass with me away from the workforce. I eventually succumb to a life of semi-indentured servitude, wherein I clean, cook and care for children while my husband holds the purse strings, and probably eventually leaves me for a less dumpy, less saggy younger woman who isn't wearing supportive granny panties and covered in spit up. I wind up bitter, frumpy, and alone in my mom jeans with no career prospects and unable to support my brood.
Option 2: Your spouse stays home with your baby
Now the shoe is on the other foot. I spend all day slogging though con-calls and emails and come home to a disheveled, tired, cranky spouse who's spent the entire day listening to our kid scream. He looks like crap, he hasn't shaved, he has nothing interesting to say to me. I resentfully wonder why, if he's been home all day, the dishes are mountain-high in the sink. What the hell would I know about it any way? I don't spend all day with a baby, so I don't realize you can't be expected to get through a mountain of dishes with a baby screaming at you about his diaper rash and ear infection. I go to bed sexually unsatisfied every night and eventually wind up fucking someone at work.
Option 3: Daycare
Sure, g'head, entrust the care of your not-yet-able-to-speak offspring to strangers you know nothing about. These people are probably being paid minimum wage and no benefits to look after a dozen or more kids they have no personal stake in. As you can imagine, the incentive is certainly there to do an excellent job.
Look, I don't care if the marketing material for the daycare says they have a Montessori philosophy. I don't care if their waiting list is 2 years long and you put your kid on it while she was in utero. I don't care if you're paying over $1000.00/month. Think about how your $1000/month breaks down into hourly pay and then think about the kind of job you'd be motivated to do for the same kind of income.
These people will forget to apply diaper cream. These people will leave your baby lying on its back for hours staring at the ceiling with no stimulation, inhibiting her mental development. They will leave your kid to crap his pants in his Pull Ups rather than taking him to the toilet because it's easier for them. So what if you are trying to toilet train. They will feed your kid with nut allergies trail mix. They will try to introduce your child to Jesus, no matter how many times you try to tell them you are Jewish. Heck, they'll probably tell your Jewish child she's going to hell for not accepting Jesus as her personal savior. Enjoy spending your few hours between work and sleep trying to explain the psychology of religion to someone who still wears diapers.
I once heard an acquaintence lamenting the fact that her 1 year old routinely returned from daycare with bitemarks on her arms and legs. Apparently one of the other children in the daycare had a biting problem. She'd spoken to the daycare workers about it several times but with so many kids to look after they can't keep an eye on everyone all the time.
The fact of the matter is, no one is going to do a better job of taking care of your child than you or a family member who loves your child. If you place your kid's well-being above your career or financial independence, your life is going to suffer in some other way. You're basically screwed no matter what you choose, unless you happen to be one of those rare, lucky people that can evenly share the power and responsibility of breadwinning and childcare equally with your partner. My husband and I are not in that position and even if we were, it's not how we'd want to spend our time. For us, the reality is that all child-rearing scenarios sound like a trap and we don't want in.
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