Remember that beautiful antique chest you inherited from your wealthy aunt? The one with the painstaking woodcarved detail that Antiques Road Show said is worth a fortune? Your kid is going to decorate it with her crayons and crash into it on the tricycle you told her not to ride indoors.
Kids want to fill your yard with giant, tacky, plastic amusement. They want to leave sharp-edged small toy cars and Barbie shoes on your floor to trip you. They want to grind bits of Cheerios into your car upholstery.
It's not enough for your to have to wipe up snot, barf and filthy diapers, every inch of your life winds up encased in a fine, sticky coat of goo and crumbs.
This is one of my top reasons for not wanting kids. They are so sticky. And have you ever seen what they do to the backseats of cars? It's so disgusting.
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