Sometimes It's Not Different When They're Yours

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When people find out I don't want kids there are usually a few reactions I get:

1. "Why Not?"
(Now I can say "see my blog.") I always find this reaction odd. It's like me asking someone why they don't want to be a nun. "What's that? You don't find vows of celibacy and poverty appealing as lifestyle choices? Me either. That's why I'm not having any fucking kids." Okay, moms and dads, I believe you. You're not destitute or completely celibate. You enjoy a once a year vacay to Disney or the beach and a semi-monthly boinking. That's great. I want to travel abroad several times a year and get laid on a daily basis. We have different priorities.

On that note, I do have a cat. When I meet people who don't have a cat I never ask why they don't have one. I understand why someone might not want a cat. You have to clean up after them, you have to feed them, you have to pay their vet bills. While my kitty's company makes those inconveniences worthwhile to me, I can see why other people wouldn't feel the same. Please understand the way some people feel about the hassle of caring for a pet is the way I feel about the hassle of caring for a kid.

When I hear someone bitching that cats are messy or vet bills are stupid-expensive, I'm not offended. I don't think they're a jerk. I just think that having a pet is probably not for them.

2. "It's different when they're yours."
Lest you think baby hating* is a sentiment strictly reserved for non-parents, let me assure you, I've met many parents who admit that, on the whole, they are not fond of children. They quickly let me know that they like their own kids because "it's different when they are yours."

What if it's not different when they are mine? Was it different for Susan Smith or Andrea Yates, who both infamously offed their broods when the stress of parenting got to them? I am not saying I think I'm likely to murder my young, but I can see many other ways my dislike of kids would make me a pretty shitty parent. Isn't it better to not take the chance that it won't be different when they're mine?

3. "You're a selfish bitch"
Merriam-Webster says selfish means "seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others." So they're half right. I am interested in my own happiness and well-being, but not without regard for others. Who am I hurting by keeping my DNA to myself exactly? Wouldn't it be more selfish of me to see if maybe it would be different when they're mine, find out that it's not, and torture my offspring with a lifetime of obvious resentment?

While we're on the subject of selfishness, isn't making a baby a teeny bit selfish? After all, your choice to have a baby was made based on what was going to bring you happiness. There are tons of orphans and kids in foster care who need looking after; people choose to make their own babies anyway. Each new person on the planet creates one monster-sized carbon footprint, further contributing to the deterioration of our environment.

I don't blame parents for reproducing. They are following their bliss like I'm following mine. We are all a little bit selfish. How is my so-called selfishness worse than anyone else's?

(*On the subject of baby hating monsters, there are bigger monsters out there than me. Instead of worrying about baby haters who find your kid annoying, worry more about the people who like kids a little too much. While I'm not likely to offer to babysit for you, there's also no chance I am trying to get into your kids' pants. There's pretty much zero chance of me ever hurting any kid in any way, since I prefer to avoid them entirely. So keep that in mind next time you fret over the big bad baby haters.)